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Archive for the ‘Peyote’ Category

Awake, I was. The middle eastern marketplace was gone. I had been sitting in an outdoor barber shop when two Americans walked up. The one wearing a navy blue shirt and jeans, had white hair and a little pointed goatee beard. His friend was silent. The American began to talk loudly, over the hubbub of the market and the words of the barber. I was thinking, “how rude and disrespectful this guy is, he’s going to be heard over everyone”. What he said was this: “When we gave the peyote to the people it was for medicine, for healing. Now it is time for the people to give the medicine back to the land.” Then he changed into a brilliant blue humming bird hummingbirdand flew up and away from me about twenty feet above the ground, stopping in mid air. He then became a human, but continued to hover. He reached out, and extended his arm toward me, fingers out stretched. Out of nowhere a bird perched on my right shoulder, next to my ear. I reached up and touched it. I could feel its shape. Then it flew up into the trees.

As I looked for “my bird”, I noticed the scene had changed to a streambed with water and Aspen trees, reminding me of my boyhood home in Idaho. My bird was sitting with other birds in the trees. I said to the bird, “well if you are mine, you will return to me because you want to, so I don’t need to be concerned about losing you so soon after meeting you.”

Wondering about the dream throughout the day, I went for lunch and was sipping soup in the local bakery when a young man and his brother walked in. He was carrying a flight bag with a bright orange tag labeled SFO, San Francisco International Airport. He went to the counter, asked about a job, turned, and headed for the door. I recognized him. He was the talented Brazilian martial artist I had met several months before. That one time was in the park, in a circle (Roda) when my Mestre, Amunka Davila, and his students were demonstrating the music, singing, and “play” of the Afro-Brazilian martial art of Capoeira. I was fifty-six; the young man was about 21 and had demonstrated flying kicks, which were his specialty. I played with him. I remembered his crimson red pants and royal blue shirt, “odd clothes for a Capoeirista”, I had thought at the time, we were all dressed in white. Suddenly the demonstration Roda memory, the guy in the bakery, and the dream merged into one. This guy was the man destined to be the fifty-year-old dream wizard dressed in navy blue. He even had the silent companion with him, just like the dream. The guy had the same hair and goatee as the Hummingbird Spirit. I was astounded.

Coyote was messing with me, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity to engage the man in conversation. I took the risk and invited these relative strangers to my table and told them the dream. Just like the conversation in the dream market, the younger brother never said a word. They listened attentively to the dream, very politely. These men seemed a little shocked by the encounter but nonetheless were respectful of their elder, a rare quality, but one I appreciate in younger men.

Before going to the bakery, I had walked by the Mind-Body Center where I had studied psychic abilities and noticed they were offering free readings (by students) later in the evening. I had decided to treat myself to another reading. After telling my dream to these young men, they told me that they were going to get their older brother and get a psychic reading at the same Center I was headed to. Seems the young wizard had studied there as well, during the previous year. I offered to collect all three brothers later and we would drive there together. We agreed to meet later.

While I finished my coffee, I was wondering about the dream and the strange synchronicity. “How is it possible that the flesh and blood man is blond and in his twenties, while the wizard Hummingbird Spirit was in his fifties or sixties?” The analytical logician was trying to puzzle it out, but linear thinking was not working. What came to mind were the words “Merlin ages backwards”; the dreamworld is often paradoxical. Perhaps I was envisioning a future shaman interacting with me in the twenty-first century, communicating over time trails not yet traveled. Synchronicity is so interesting that way. The image was unmistakably the aged version of the man sitting across the table from me. The way the two brothers acted was the same as in the dream. The parallels were astounding.

That was eleven years ago. When I recently saw the film Cloud Atlas, I remembered the dream and thought about how time and our actions can flow backwards and forwards in the imaginal realm of synchronicity. There was the proof. The dream had manifested itself and I had the opportunity to change my world by acting spontaneously, from my heart instead of my head.

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My granddaughter had found us seats on the north side of the crescent moon altar. My nephew was tending the blazing fire. The coals were bright orange. I was sitting beside a young man who was new to these ways. His lover was on the other side of me, next to my granddaughter. As we sat waiting in the Tipi for the peyote ceremony to start, I felt something fall on my head, on the bald spot near the crown. Keeping my head down and hoping it would move, maybe it was a spider, I couldn’t see, I waited. Finally I reached up and brushed it off my head. The kids on either side of me looked down on the dirt in front of me. There sat a bright chartreuse colored green frog, about the size of a quarter dollar coin. It was facing us. We all noticed it. Then it turned toward the fire and jumped three times directly into the center of the coals where it disappeared. Stunned I asked the kids, “did you see that?” They had. I wondered why the frog, and why me, of all people, did it choose to sit upon my brow? We were near the Pacific Ocean. You could hear the waves on the beach below us.

Throughout the night I kept wondering about the frog. About midnight I turned to my granddaughter and her friend. “Did I ever tell you the story of the Huichol jade frog? One of the Cherokee grandmas from Texas told us all in a peyote ceremony that this large carved frog statue had been taken by the Conquistadors from the Huichol Indians of Mexico. These people are the keepers of the southern fire, which they call Tatawari, grandfather fire. They have been peyote people for centuries. Somehow this jade frog effigy found its way into a museum in California and recently was given to some peyote people from Texas. They asked the grandma what to do with it. She decided they should sponsor a peyote ceremony for the frog and see what the people might discover about it and what the medicine wanted them to do about it. On the occasion she told this story, the time I heard it, she had just come from Sun Dance in South Dakota and decided to make relations with my nephew, the one who was taking care of the fire. She made him her grandson, gifting him a large translucent medallion of a deer, the sacred image of the Huichol people, Kayumari. This was especially meaningful for him, because his Tarajumara/Yaqui grandfather had given him his family’s fireplace, which uses a display of the sacred deer during the healing portion, when the sponsor is praying to Creator with tobacco. His Grandma told us how they decided that the frog wanted to go home, back to the Huichol village from which it had been stolen by the Spanish. So they took it to Mexico and the people, who have no telephones, had already prepared a ceremony for the frog. That night it rained down upon the village, for the first time in two or three hundred years and in the morning they found hundreds of peyote cactus had come up out of the ground. The frog was the water guardian of the people and it’s return put things back in balance so it rained.”

I probably wouldn’t have remembered that story if it hadn’t been for the frog’s sacrifice. It jumped into grandfather fire, Tatawari, reminding me of the shortness of life and the importance of being present. The man tending the fire was the storyteller’s grandson, the man who now conducts ceremonies in the way his grandfather taught him. I got to tell the young women the story and explain the ceremony to the young man beside me. It became obvious to me that he was a coyote pup, who didn’t know how to deal with his magic gifts. We spent the day yesterday getting to know each other better. We have a lot more in common than I would have guessed, but my granddaughter must have intuited that, because she wanted him to sit next to me all night long. She sacrificed her plan to sit beside me, so that the relatives could be instructed and be held in the love of her grandfather’s wisdom.

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The cell phone rang just as I started driving down the mountain. I was still wearing my new silver rainbow pendant which my grandson brought me from Peru. “The coyote ran away from me only a couple of days after you gave it to me,” he said explaining how the abalone necklace of the coyote had been taken at the gymnasium. He had admired it so much when I wore it in ceremony that I gave it to him in the morning. (Note the iphone photo.) He had been sitting beside me when I formally let go of my hurt feelings at not being accepted by my brother and sister and all those others who judge me wrong or bad because I am me. I told the leopard (my grandson’s totem animal) to enjoy the necklace and if it is too much to carry, he could give it back. I had given it to a nephew, a whale person, the year before, but his wife didn’t like having the coyote in her world, so he returned it to me.

Coyote is the Trickster animal of the North American indigenous peoples and he teaches us lessons all the time. Evidently the thief who took him out of the 24 hour gym needs some education. My grandson was returning the teacher’s magic item transformed. It is now a rainbow of inlaid stones dripping from the heart of jasper above. The inverted rainbow reflects his dream of the white owl in the tree branch which slowly inverted itself, hanging upside down and whispering in his ear in what he took to be the Gaelic language of our Celtic ancestors. He didn’t understand the words of the owl, but it dropped a crystal into his hand. What he handed me was that dream in the pendant. The owl had become the rainbow inlaid in the round silver moon and the crystal, the red stone. Just turn the dream right side up and the object mirrors it. The six foot four blond leopard in human form was beaming from ear to ear. He gave me much more than the coyote he let run away from him.

As I was saying, I was driving down the mountain with the rainbow hanging around my neck, when the coyote called from Palm Springs. He wanted to acknowledge my teaching stories of the day before. He had been bragging about being like Zeus, after telling us how great it was to be an Aquarian. At forty-two he is the guy you would see in the gym working out, pressing metal to increase the size of his muscles, a good looking, sexy man, who loves his naked body. As he is fond of saying, “I love my birthday suit!” He has lots of affairs, beautiful women by the score, and is concerned with the order of things, so he does have a Zeus aspect. He’s also homophobic and loves to do “guy things” like collect the wood, split and skin it for Native American Church meetings. He is blond and blue-eyed, but built like his Lakota and Cherokee ancestors. He reminds me of an Apache like Geronimo. But he does have quite a big ego, a compensation for all the abuse he endured as a child from his Marine drill sargent step-father. I have tolerated this for the last seven years to the disappointment of my sister the Jaguar, but I broke my silence with a question. “Do you know who the Water Pourer is, the one who symbolizes Aquarius? He’s one of Zeus’ lovers, a guy named Ganymede. Zeus was bi-sexual.” Stunned, he then wanted to joke around with a story. “Have you ever heard the difference between the dumb ass and the smart ass?” After he told us his joke, I told him the story of the Golden Ass.

“It’s a story about a guy like you, called Lucian, who seduces all the girls and is curious about magic. He’s staying in the home of a powerful sorcerer who can change herself into an owl at night. The servant girl, his latest conquest, lets Lucian watch the transformation through the key hole of the door to her mistress’ chamber. He wants to try the magic and, when his hostess is out of town for the weekend, does, but opens the wrong drawer and becomes a donkey, an ass. The story teaches him a lesson of what it is like to be abused as a beast of burden but to have the intelligence and consciousness of a human. When the ass Lucian can take no more and wants to die, he has a dream of the Great Goddess Isis, who tells him what he must do to break the enchantment. Basically he needs to honor and respect the feminine, symbolized by a bouquet of roses, which, when touched by the ass during the parade honoring the Goddess, turns him back into a man.” The beautiful blond Zeus, like Coyote, was stunned, but as all coyotes do, was bouncing back with a “thank you call”. He wanted me to know he had given up Zeus for Hermes.

I didn’t bother to tell the young coyote about Hermes’ sexual behavior, just the things I thought he would appreciate about his new god/role model. I compared Hermes to our Trickster friend the Coyote, adding the messenger of the gods/communication to his ability to travel in all dimensions, including the spirit world of Hades. Hermes’ uniqueness among the Greek pantheon appealed to the young coyote. I mentioned he was also the god of thieves and the market place. These qualities appealed to my friend. I did slip in the word ‘androgynous’ among the beautiful god’s attributes, but the coyote didn’t seem to pick up that scent. Just as I was crossing the top of the ridge, I noticed a college student standing at a bus stop; he did something I had never seen before, he stuck out his thumb asking for a ride. Within seconds I decided to risk it. Picking up my first hitchhiker in the Berkeley hills didn’t seem that risky, he was dressed in a suit coat and was carrying a small painting. The blue jeans seemed like the casual touch many university students affect, so I pulled over and told the coyote on the phone, “I’m picking up a rider now, so I have to say good-bye.”

The young man in glasses got into my car. I told him my name and he responded with “that’s my name too, I’m Michael, but I go by Michaelangelo.” My inner eagle had noticed the three part modern icon in his hands, maybe that was what told me it was OK to stop. I had a hunch he knew the people on the Magic Bus, who drove up to the peyote ceremony for new year’s at Joshua Tree. I remembered my Israeli grandson (yes we made that relationship about three months after the meeting) telling me about this guy who calls himself Michaelangelo in the bay area. I was right. He was the man. As I told him about all the relatives I knew from the peyote way, he started asking if I knew his friends from the Ayuaska tradition. I did. Small world. When I dropped him off, I gave him my card. I went to see the Disney movie The Sorcerer’s Apprentice again. There were three of us at the matinee, so I got to appreciate the story from the eagle’s perspective this time, up high and alone.

After the movie, I went across the street to the grocery store and who should I meet? Michaelangelo’s friend/host, the guy he is visiting and the reason he was on our mountain. We talked and I returned to my bear/coyote cave. When I turned on my computer a message popped up from another nephew. “You gave my friend a ride to my house this afternoon. Thanks Uncle.” Wow, magic does exist! We just need to know how to recognize it. Sometimes it just leans over and whispers in our inner ear “stop and pick that guy up.” The hitchhiker’s parting comment? “I knew you were the right ride, when I saw the bumper sticker that said ‘shift happens‘.”

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When I arrived home after a week’s absence, my spirit son knocked on my door, came in and embraced me, then invited me into the hot tub. Slipping out of our clothes and into the warm water, we began to talk about our adventures and concerns for our spiritual community. Then he asked me to massage his neck and back. “Touch is so important”, he said, relaxing into my hands rubbing his muscles. “Your back is the most relaxed I remember.” He responded with, “It’s the yoga. I’ve been stretching.” The cool air had descended on our mountain top as the sun had set. We were sitting in the dark twilight talking about blue jay and raven medicine, the wisdom of going dancing with one’s lover, and astrology. His birthday is coming up. He’ll be thirty-six, like my biological son whom I rarely see. And I suddenly remembered the phrase of a sixties song, “love the one you’re with.”

So often we believe what our parents taught us must be true. Like “Blood is thicker than water”. Does our biological family and genes bind us together more tightly than anything? Not in my experience. Throughout my sixty-seven years on the planet, I have found that the friends and family we create are actually the support and loving environment for which we came. Our families of origin and our early choices gave us many learning experiences, that’s true. We co-created our worlds with those people and choices. Now we get to make modifications in the design, provided we are willing to take responsibility for them. After his biological father’s death to cancer, my spirit son decided he wasn’t going to go through the rest of his life without a father, nor was he going to choose a father who would replicate the dysfunctional ways of his family of origin. He watched me and listened to me talk around the fire which he was tending for my brother. He listened to my teaching and prayers in the sweat lodge. He also wanted someone who could access his father in the spirit world and bridge the communication barrier, someone whom his father could trust and respect, a well educated professor with similar cultural and genetic background. Of course I didn’t know what he was planning as he watched and listened. He is so much like his animal totem the Wolf.

My other Wolf and son, Graham, had asked me to drink medicine with the teacher of his cousin, the Great Horned Owl. I agreed and experienced the power of the Amazon that night, the week before Graham flew west to sit up with us. The shaman had heard of me through another nephew. I was treated with the highest respect, as I still am by him four years later. He told me recently, “I always have loved your stories and insights. You work differently, more personally with people. All of my relationships are medicine relationships. I serve the medicine and my people. We are both building a spiritual bridge between north and south Americas.” I told him again of my first meeting with him and how the following week, my sister modified the design of her fireplace before she knew of my experience with Ayuaska. She was making the large crescent moon altar of red earth for the Peyote Ceremony which I was sponsoring, when I noticed something new. The equilateral triangle “ash tray” inside the moon, which points toward the fire, had morphed. It was now heart shaped. When I asked her about it, she said, “It came to me while I was making the moon, Mikey. You have such a big heart!”
Ironically that was too true.

My mom always used to say to me, “Mikey, it’s not good to wear your heart on your sleeve.” What she meant by that was to be more careful to hide my feelings so that I wouldn’t get hurt so easily. She meant well, she had lived through the Great Depression and the World War and knew that people could take advantage of my kind heart. She advised against transparency, vulnerability, and honest expression of feelings. These are all things it took sixty more years to remember and reassert in my relationships. Wearing my heart on my sleeve. And there before my eyes was the heart in the fireplace, the literal place my spiritual path dwells. My desire to create a wizards meeting had finally occurred synchronistically. The psychics had all come and were sitting around the fire, eating peyote, praying, meditating, and chanting together. It took six years of intention for that meeting to manifest and the unexpected occurred: something new in the shape of the crescent moon altar, the heart was there where sacred geometry should have been? Could it be that we were beginning to shift paradigms?

Well that was what I was wondering. Did my overcoming my fears of Ayuaska lead to change? It sure seemed that way. The heart appeared when I was surrounded by those who loved me. Two months later I was chosen to be a young MD’s dad, the one whose back I am massaging now. And what happened to the heart in the fireplace? My sister couldn’t stand up to the critics, who correctly said, “you have changed the fireplace you were given.” At first she denied it, neither did she remember when she changed it, nor how it was connected to me and my meeting. From my perspective it was an organic, spiritual transformation which she had the right to manifest. It was her fireplace after all. But we can’t always rise above our upbringing and say, “Yes I changed it. Like the man who created it out of four separate traditional fireplaces one hundred years ago, he had the strength and foresight to modify the old and create a new vehicle for healing the people. That’s why I wanted it, to heal the people, that’s what it has been used to do all these years, to be a miracle producing ceremony. It just needed the heart! So I put it in there and I am proud of the change!”

No she couldn’t endure the criticism. She erased the heart and put the triangle back it the traditional place. She removed me and the heart. She was criticized as well for allowing my affectionate behavior. She couldn’t stand up for me like the sister she claimed to be, nor could she stand up for herself as a medicine woman. She got caught in the undertow of the Black Hole and was sucked back into the old paradigm. Can I go back to rescue her? I tried. She won’t budge. Her affectionate behavior, as a woman, is accepted, but men are different, we must continue to hide our feelings in public. Maybe I am a hippie and child of the sixties after all, I choose to love the ones I am with.

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As Indigenous people we understand we are part of an interconnected weaving of life. We are born into a complex family system which reflects the environment and its processes. Just as we have a personal mother who nourishes and cares for us, we have an environment which mothers and teaches us. Observing our surroundings we come to see that every person, plant and animal has a place in the great web of life. We are all connected/related to one another. We are all part of the Great Mother’s Body, she gives life, heals and kills her children. That is what all indigenous cultures have noticed about their lives. As a culture develops over a very long time, being aware of its surroundings, how the cycles of life work, and how humans fit into the picture, it is taught orally to members of the culture. After thousands of years of oral transmission, some cultures devised written symbols to preserve their wisdom. The oldest collection of written knowledge of which I am aware is the ancient Chinese Book of Changes (I Ching).

Based on observation, each meditation in the I Ching is a short discussion of an image or picture. The written Chinese language is a picture language. Like the ancient Egyptian language, you have to know something about the symbols in order to read the meaning of any text. As we say, a picture is worth a thousand words, it speaks directly to the soul of the observer, evoking personal communications, some universal, some individual. If we look at meditation #8 Pi, we see a river over the earth. The text says, “The waters on the surface of the earth flow together wherever they can, as for example in the ocean, where all the rivers come together.” How are humans reflected in this image from nature?

All of us are composed primarily of water, with various objects floating through and contained by our inner river banks. Symbolically we are like the river and the earth. We contain the water of life as it flows to the sea, where it merges with the great water once again. The water cycle continues when the sun shines on the water, turns it to vapor (water in gaseous form), and warms it so that it invisibly rises higher and higher into the sky. As the water vapor gets higher and higher, it gets colder and colder until it condenses and the wind blows the water vapor together into clouds. When the clouds become more and more dense and collide with the mountains, they release the water in the form of rain or snow. The water falls to earth and the cycle begins again. Like the water, we dissolve our present form and join the great water, the world of Spirit, perhaps to reincarnate and continue the cycle. But there is another way we are like the image, and this is the primary teaching of the meditation, which is translated as Holding Together [Union].

The image is composed of five yielding lines and one strong line in the usual place of the ruler of the image. The text says, “The yielding lines hold together because they are influenced by a man of strong will in the leading position, a man who is their center of union. Moreover, this strong and guiding personality in turn holds together with the others, finding in them the complement of his own nature.” The relationship is reciprocal, leader and supporters balance one another, they complement each other rather than conflict with one another. That is the way a group becomes effective, by holding together. The text goes on to describe the seriousness of being the leader and what the qualities of a leader must be for a successful union of people to take place.

A leader is a central figure around whom others unite. The center position carries great responsibility. That word ‘responsibility’ literally means ‘able to respond’. Any leader must be able to respond to the needs of the group which he or she is facilitating. Whether the leader is a man or a woman, this basic condition must be fulfilled, they have to be aware of what is going on and respond to the situation in an appropriate way, in a way that will hold the group together. If the leader doesn’t have what it takes to hold the group together, the Chinese text says, “it only makes confusion worse than if no union at all had taken place.” In addition to making sure you have a real calling to be a leader of a spiritual community or group, the timing is also important.

Groups come together, people hold together, in response to certain situations. If we understand the basic nature of group formation and coherence, we also know how important the timing is. The text says, “Relationships are formed and firmly established according to definite inner laws. Common experiences strengthen these ties, and he who comes too late to share in these basic experiences must suffer for it if, as a straggler, he finds the door locked.” This is a hard teaching, especially for the 21st century new age mentality. It isn’t “all good”. Sometimes “going with the flow” and being “in the present moment” is just what needs to happen. And many times our spontaneity must be tempered by conscious intent. We need to make sure we arrive for the ceremony in enough time to participate in the experiences which will make us part of the group. This often happens in Native American ceremonies. People will show up early, maybe even a day early, so that they can help prepare, support, and make smooth the tasks of the ceremonial leaders and those whose land we are using. Showing up later means volunteering to help out in whatever ways one can. When you know what happens, you lend a hand and make things easier. But there is a point when you have to be on the site when the ceremony begins, otherwise you miss out on the bonding process and the feeling of involvement in the event. At that point one becomes an observer rather than an active participant, and in some cases, excluded from the group activity.

The last word of counsel given by the ancient Chinese sages is this: “If a man has recognized the necessity for union and does not feel strong enough to function as the center, it is his duty to become a member of some other organic fellowship.” We can’t sit idly by and watch others build community. If we are aware of the need for community, we have to join in and be a productive member. There is no instruction on what kind of group this might be, only that it should be ‘organic’. An organ functions within a system, it is a part of a larger whole, a living organism is such a whole. We are individual organisms and we are living within a larger organism, a spiritual community. Perhaps it is our family, our extended family, or some other group organized around a particular purpose like a school, a religious tradition, a service to others, a sporting activity, or even survival (a gang). We might be unconscious, unaware of the need to be connected to other people. That sort of isolation will begin to manifest problems eventually, which might wake us up to the need for love and relationship. The I Ching only speaks to those who are awake. If you can’t be the center, then join an organically constructed group. That is the secret, if there is one, of human relatedness.

For twenty five years Athena and I functioned as the center of our organic fellowship. Starting in 1976 we had family celebrations every Sunday based on Dolores LaChapelle’s Native American ceremonies book Earth Festivals (1976). We experienced expansion and contraction of our circle of friends and spirit family until 1981, when we left our Southern California community. Melville Montessori Home School became our new center.   Our family continued Sunday celebrations. Many of the activities we found valuable in LaChapelle’s book and our adaptations of them were introduced to the school family and practiced on camping trips into nature. When Athena and I separated in 1997 and divorced in 1999 after 32 years of marriage, I was in the place the I Ching describes. I recognized the need to be part of an organic fellowship and knew I could no longer function as the center, so I started looking for the group of which I could be a part.

In my search I have supported Sweat Lodge, Vision Quest, Sun Dance, and Medicine Lodge communities looking for the group with which I resonate. The funny thing about us humans is that we continue to grow. What works at first, at a beginning level of development, we often out grow. Then we look for a new community, one which reflects our new level of understanding and its values. If we find one, we join forces and support until we discover that we have outgrown that group. This process seems endless until we become elders, then things change. We must either function as the center or support from the side. We find our role as an elder is to remember the wisdom, the teachings, the protocol, how to support others, and how to act in a respectful way, so that the younger people have a good model. That means being approachable also. We have to be open, honest, authentic, transparent, vulnerable, and loving, unconditionally. That is also necessary in an organism which continues to thrive. We are the beauty of life, the wonderful children of the Creator. If we remember who we are, we can live it and thereby transform our culture.

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Last year for Easter I attended the Greek Orthodox Church BBQ on the beach. The temperature was climbing higher and higher when I said to the priest, “My wife is Greek, we got married in the Orthodox Church.” His reply? “You have my condolences, we Greeks are very stubborn and proud people.” Wow what a telling response! After 30 years of marriage, living and working together, 2 years of separation, a divorce and minimal conversation for 5 years, silence has reigned for 5 years. I was missing my family, my children, and our Easter (Pascha) traditions. I told the Raven, my adopted Greek-American son, how I felt and he consented to attend the BBQ with his companion and his brother’s family for the first time. His brother’s wife said it was all my doing, he had refused them every other year in the past. What made last year so different? I was living in Southern California and wanted to celebrate Easter with family. The temperature hit 98 at the beach that day, higher inland where I lived. It reminded me of that time in Washington when the temperature hit 98 on the Puget Sound. I had moved there and the medicine found me at the beach. Peyote has a way of doing that. The Otter-man seemed to come out of the ocean. He joined me in the Cherokee Dance of Life on the beach and changed my life. That story is to be found in Riding Coyote’s Tail. Within seven months I was back in Southern California with the Raven, who asked me to support his Vision Fast in Death Valley. The Spirit calls and I follow.

In May of last year my son, the Wolf, asked me to move north again, this time to the San Francisco bay area. He wanted me to rent his mom’s studio apartment in the basement of the family home. “Papa, I need you. I’m the only man in a house of women; even the dogs are females. And I can’t bear the thought of some stranger looking out on the Sweat Lodge we built. I need you to balance the energy, to ground us out. We need the Coyote in the basement.” So I said yes. Since then there have been more Sacred Ceremonies, Sweat Lodges, the Red Fox, Burning Man, flights south and Easter again. But this time was just the opposite. Freezing cold temperatures, rain and wind.

Yesterday started with a Sweat Lodge in the north bay. It was a Wiping of the Tears Ceremony, Lakota style. We were helping a woman let go of her grief, intergenerational shame, guilt, and blame, which affected her and all her relationships. Many of us have similar family histories and it was a good opportunity to let go of resentment, projections, and fear, to take responsibility for our feelings. We prayed long and hard in the extremely hot Lodge. We allowed the spirits of our ancestors to help us let go, to express our anger, hurt and grief, to acknowledge the pain and suffering we have caused others and ourselves. We released the judgments that we and they were wrong or bad. We invited healing of their wounds as well as ours for seven generations back and those yet to come. We let our tears flow, to cry ourselves out, to forgive and to remember how our experiences made us who we are today, so we can move on to a new way of being, having love for ourselves and love for one another. The release was amazing.

After the ceremony we shared a communal meal in the freezing cold and put everything away, just as we had found it. We hugged each other and said goodbye. As I was approaching the east bay and our cold and windy mountain top, my youngest biological son called me on my cell phone. We had passed each other on the highway, going opposite directions, but something else had happened. My prayers were being answered. The Puma has always been the bridge builder in our family. Of my four biological sons he is the one who has kept communication open between us. But this time something had changed. I could feel the shift. He was concerned for my physical comfort and told me where and how to find the kind of fleece lined boots I need to stay warm. Then he told me that he was interested in hearing about my life and my family, about what we were doing. Now that might not sound like much of a change, but it was. He was acknowledging the fact that I have a new family and he wants to know about it. Finally, after twelve years, the crack opened up and the light shone through. That’s how the Greek Easter Service begins on midnight. Everything is dark. All of the lights are extinguished. The people wait and sing. Then a small glimmer of light emerges from behind the altar and the people are encouraged to come forward and receive the light. The light is passed from candle to candle until the entire church is ablaze with light and filled with song. Christ has Risen from the dead. And so has that Spirit of Love arisen from the death of silence. Whether it was the spirits of our ancestors’ intercession or the regeneration of the ancient symbolic story, the Shift occurred.

My new family, headed by the Wolf, talked his brothers into continuing their family council, which started with their father’s terminal illness. Four years after his father’s death, the Wolf asked me to be his father. It was in the same Lakota Sweat Lodge I attended yesterday three and a half years ago. Integrating me into his very tight knit family was a hope that is beginning to show signs of happening. Our love for one another and our commitment to better communication in the family is a living model for the family. Granted, he didn’t tell me about their family’s Easter Celebration until yesterday morning, which meant I would be late. I had given my word to attend Mass with my Liberal Catholic Church family in the south bay and share a meal with them before returning. When I called from the road, the Wolf Matriarch wanted to know if I were coming, “We’re expecting you” she said. Wow what a change from the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays when I was excluded. Interesting how prayer makes manifest our desires. And after that delightful dinner with the family, I got to visit another son who lives further up the mountain, to share coffee and sing Native American Church songs with him. Life is getting better all the time. The pain of silence is gone. Open communication, light and love is moving into our family at last.

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That’s what the man asked me after a Native American Church Meeting last weekend. I had been sitting up all night praying, singing, and eating peyote in the traditional ceremony of our ancestors. The blond European in his thirties had been watching us all night long. His companion was a beautiful Swedish woman, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, about his age. The four of us were talking when he asked me the question. My answer? “Well, yes, he is really my grandson. Is he my blood grandson? No, he took me as his grandfather last year. In our tradition we take relatives since we always need family. In the old days when this tradition started, the US soldiers might kill your family while you were away and then you would need a family. So the elders taught us to “make relations”. I have known Chris for seven years. Two years ago he attended his first peyote ceremony and last year, when his biological grandfather moved into the spirit world, he adopted me.”

When I think about it, I am old enough to be his grandfather. I am 67 and he is 26. We have a very similar Scandinavian look about us. We both have blue eyes and fair skin. He grew up in the traditional lands of my Iroquois ancestors. After listening for a while the young man said, “your relationship is so sweet. It was beautiful to watch you two all night, so affectionate with one another.” It felt great to hear that. With my grandson on one side of me and my granddaughter on the other, I felt surrounded by love. It is interesting what people notice, the things they perceive. The young man liked the warmth he saw and I imagine he was a little envious. Ironically he was talking about the same behavior my homo-phobic brother judged disturbing, “you made me uncomfortable, the way you were hugging that young man,” he said. Surprised he hadn’t listened to my comments during the night I said, “You mean my grandson? You are that way with your grandchildren.” I guess the new paradigm is difficult to wrap one’s mind around.

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Honesty about my feelings brought about confrontation and change. When my brother quit responding to my telephone calls, I was puzzled. What had I done to create his response? I had some ideas, but I needed the truth. So I asked him to sit down with me and explain. He said he would. That was two years ago. Every time we met at ceremonies he was polite and so was I. Still no communication. After my encounter with the Vampire a couple weeks ago, I called my brother and vented my feelings onto his voice mail. Still no response. So this weekend I took the opportunity to confront him during a public ceremony and expressed my hope that he would forgive me for whatever I had done so that we could talk to one another again. He interrupted me and told me “we can talk later.” So after the meeting we did talk.

What he told me was amazing. He had nothing to say to me, so he didn’t call. “Why not call and tell me that instead of leaving me hanging for all this time? Why didn’t you keep your word and communicate like you said you would?” That would have saved us both a lot of time and concern. What he told me was that he felt uncomfortable with my expression of affectionate behavior toward others during ceremonies. Basically he was telling me not to be myself, to stuff my love back into our family straight-jacket. For years I have been talking about honesty, authenticity, transparency and vulnerability; that we need to practice these ways of being with people we love if we want the world to change. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are human and we make mistakes. We apologize when we become aware that we have hurt someone else. But we cannot apologize when we don’t know what we have done.

And apologies might not be appropriate. If we value our actions, we may not feel the need to apologize. Clearing the air helps a lot. If I had known what my brother found objectionable in my behavior, I could have considered changing. In this case I would not have done anything differently, except to take better care of myself and spend less time worrying about what others think. As my nephew said to me, “Tio, you know who loves you. Stop trying to get acceptance from those who don’t.” He was right! I know who loves me for who I am and who tolerates me. I choose to hang with those who love me. As the I Ching says, “among human beings, spontaneous affection is the all-inclusive principle of union.” If we listen to our elders, and the Chinese elders have said this for thousands of years, we need to listen with our hearts and give love and affection to others when the opportunity arises. Waiting for the “proper” moment models a lack of authenticity. When we are transparent about our feelings, we give others the permission to do the same. Being vulnerable with your loved ones is a sign of strength. It means you trust them. Why waste time with people who don’t love you?

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I handed him my card. He read it. Looking at “Myths, Dreams, Symbols, Hermeneutics, Synchronicity” he said, “I know about the first three, but I’ve never heard of the last two.” How do you explain them? I have been pondering that one since yesterday.

Well, here’s what happened today. I was looking for a book by Matthew Fox at the Library and noticed Once and Future Myths. Pulling the book by Phil Cousineau (2001) off the shelf, it fell open to a picture with this caption: “Reuben Snake (center) leads an informal prayer meeting with Johnny White Cloud (left) and James Botsford (right) at his home, January 1992.” The chapter heading above the picture reads The Mythic Power of Mentorship and the text describes Botsford’s relationship with Reuben, Chairman of the Tribal Council of the Winnebago Tribe of Nebraska. Botsford was the attorney for the tribe. Together they got Congress to “protect and respect his (Snake’s) beloved Native American Church.” Botsford is quoted as saying,

He started as my client, became my friend, adopted me as his brother, and became Uncle Reuben to my kids. Through it all he was my mentor. He taught me, no, he showed me respect for absolutely everything, the value of relationships, the power of love in the rough-and-tumble world and how with humility, grace, and a healthy dose of humor, one can change the course of history. (p.146)

These are magically appearing examples of both synchronicity and hermeneutics. I was allowing my intuition to guide me. The Fox book wasn’t there, but something attracted me to reach for Cousineau’s work. That is the way of Hermes, it “fell open” hermeneutically! I didn’t try to open it. The book seemed to open, synchronistically. There was no cause in the ordinary sense for the effect, the picture of Reuben Snake appeared. But that was very important to me, because I have heard Reuben Snake’s words on audiotape. He was a very important leader and Road Man in the Native American Church, my Church since I discovered it in 1998. And my old cards used to say “Mentoring men and women for a better future”. The book opened up to the section on mentorship. That is amazing! One might say that Spirit brought the illustrations. I only wrote it down and am sharing it with you. Above all it illustrates the indigenous way of making relations, of recognizing the actual relationship and naming it. Then you live it. If you are my brother, then you are the uncle of my children and we respect each other, we communicate with one another, and we reconcile with one another when there are misunderstandings. That is the native way here on Turtle Island.

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Our indigenous ancestors passed down their ceremonial ways of worship through the most ancient transmission. Being part of a community, going through rites of passage as one develops into an adult, each man and woman is “seen” for who they are. The Great Spirit’s gifts are manifested in the way each person lives their life. We recently had an opportunity to see into these ancient ways of living with the coming of age rituals and acceptance of the hero in James Cameron’s epic film Avatar. The white skinned European colonialistic would-be-conquerors are contrasted with the indigenous people, who are taller, more agile, blue skinned, and have physical adaptations for harmonious living with the plants and animals of their Great Mother. Almost anyone who knows the history of our planet will see the parallels to our treatment of indigenous populations on Earth, our Mother Gaia. After the United States Federal Government crushed those States which felt they had the right to withdraw from a one hundred year old contractual agreement in our infamously bloody Civil War (which turned families against their kinsmen) the victors had the problem of what to do with the crazy soldiers.

The ancient Chinese conqueror, who brought together the opposing kingdoms of that time, used the enormous army he had collected in a public service project: The Great Wall of China. Many of his warriors are buried in the structure which they erected. Those who were too old and tired to work were sent home with little to survive the walk across the continent. Very few lived to talk about the experience. They were too tired to fight about the abuse and just happy to be home. The United States Federal Government in the mid-nineteenth century turned their warriors loose on the defeated Southern States and the Native American Tribes. That change has been dramatized in books, stories, and in the twentieth century moving pictures. First we saw it through the eyes of the victors, like most history. But more recently the other side of the story has emerged in films like Dances with Wolves. These alternate versions of history and of perceived reality give us a little hope for a better tomorrow.

Much of our present situations of conflict rest on a foundation of poor communication. That became evident the other night in a Native American Church service. Basically the ancient ways are passed down to the next generations through conscious recognition of abilities. In Avatar the hero proves his right to share in the destiny of his people through feats of bravery and mastery which are undeniable evidence of his harmony with their Great Goddess. The people must join together and take action. They must respond to the challenge to their way of life. We call this being response able, or responsible. Taking action in harmony with the other clans and animals creates a united state, sort the same idea in our war of Independence from the British Crown. United we stand, divided we fall. That could easily be said of all resolution of conflict. One Cheyenne/Arapaho elder told us how the tribes tried to kill each other when the real enemy was the Federal Government. “Now we just need to get along with each other. That’s what our Peyote Way is all about, love, hope, faith, and charity. Getting along with one another. Making peace. Understanding our differences and accepting one another just the way we are.” But how hard is that when we don’t speak the same language?

The elder in his seventies had passed his fireplace, his ordained fire, to very few people. He assumed a cultural understanding of tradition and respect for the old ways. But his choice of people to transmit his family fireplace was clouded by his dependence upon others. He assumed he would be honored and respected in the ways of his ancestors. He thought he could make decisions and the younger people would cooperate, they would follow his orders and he could sit in a place of honor while he continued to mentor them. That was how he was taught. He had to earn the respect of his elders through hard work and devotion to their sacred ceremonies. As soon as he was able, he took care of fire, carried the drum, and ate medicine. When the elders decided he was ready, they gave him permission to be responsible in a traditional and culturally accepted way. We see this in the film Avatar, when the mentor says “you are ready”. The hero must then prove he can choose and be chosen by the flying reptilian. “He will try to kill you; that’s how you know the mount has chosen you, but you must ride to seal the bond.” It isn’t a done deal until you can fly on your own.

My spirit brother and sister were given a fireplace by this elder in 2000. Neither of them were ready to fly on their own. They hadn’t finished the training. The old man had dreamed he was dieing and hoped the children would be grateful for the gift of the family fireplace. But neither of these children were part of the blood tribe. Another sister had a much longer relationship with the tribal ways. She was part native by blood, but like many of us, looks European. She was and is an excellent target for projected anger and resentment. Native Americans have a lot to be angry about and playing nice is a survival skill. Get on their turf and you might have a fatal accident. If the rattlesnake bites you and you die, you aren’t strong enough to be a medicine person. The film Billy Jack demonstrated that.  Poison transmuted shows power over the poisoner.

The native Californians, like many other seemingly peaceful tribes, poisoned their enemies and put out contracts on their family members. From the outside it looks peaceful. The whites thought so. Grace Hudson’s paintings showed the last of a disappearing culture in northern California. I walked through the Sun House with a group of native children with my friend on the tribal council. She pointed out which ancestor was related to each of the children. She knew her history. She was the daughter of her tribe’s medicine person. She later died of poisoning. She was raised on the European diet and before she was sixty, diabetes killed her. The Indian Health Service in our area referred to this phenomenon as “the third wave of genocide”. The first was disease carried by the boat people, the second was war and then relocation on reservations. My central American brother got bitten by a spiritual rattlesnake and still doesn’t understand the poisoning.

My brother is tall and brown skinned. I sat next to him in my first Native American Church meeting. He mentored me during the meeting. That’s when I met my ancestors and my previous incarnations. The Medicine introduced me to the unconscious parts of myself. At fifty-six I felt I had finally found home. It was a miracle and I couldn’t get enough. Two years later I witnessed the elder pass his Ordained Fire, first to my sister and second to my brother and his wife. According to the elder’s understanding, the fireplace ceremonies were originally run by the women, but defeat by the Federal Government deprived the hunters and warriors of their traditional roles, so the women gave the men something else to be responsible for, their fireplaces. That’s how the story goes. The men have been in charge of these sacred ceremonies ever since. Theoretically the fireplace belongs to my sister, whose husband shares the responsibility with her. That looks good when husband and wife stick together and cooperate with one another. That’s how the ceremony is constructed, as a harmonious balance of the masculine with the feminine. But divorce is common now days and that rips apart the traditional way of doing things. The stability is disappearing rapidly. What looks native on the surface sometimes isn’t. My brother is that way. He looks native, but he’s really Hispanic. When his family moved to the United States he had a big surprise. Military service was compulsory, that’s when we had the draft. I lucked out through student deferments until the lottery. My number wasn’t picked and I got married. I didn’t want to serve in Viet Nam because it seemed like another war on the indigenous. My brother didn’t like being in the military, but the Hispanic macho stereotype required an alignment with the warrior, even if you don’t agree with the government, it’s your duty to serve. “Americans fight for religious freedom, they protect our right to worship in these ways.” That’s my brother. For an educated man, he ignores what is right in front of him.

He also ignores the man who passed his wife their fireplace. A lot of this is culture and language misunderstanding. The elder thought he would be taken care of by his new relatives, that they would give him a place to live, perhaps in their home. He assumed he would be invited to sit beside the Road Chief, so he could continue to instruct him on how to run one of the most sophisticated fireplaces on the planet. When my brother heard “the fireplace is the doctor and peyote is the medicine. That’s how the miracles occur, through our prayers and intentions. It’s a sacred circle.” He heard the English converted into his native tongue, Spanish. He understands best in Spanish. It got complicated because the elder’s disability resulted in very difficult speech patterns. If you have a good ear for such things, as I do, listening intently works great. I can repeat what the elder has said over the past ten years to his satisfaction. That doesn’t mean that he likes me. He doesn’t. He still sees me as General Custer and tolerates my presence. When I took care of fire this past weekend, he told me “I was surprised. I didn’t think you could do it.” But I also keep my eyes open and watch. I have listened intently to his fireman of fourteen years and I can follow directions. I was told by three Road Chiefs, “you take care of fire better than your brother and your nephew”.

Maybe so. Maybe I do have a knack for pacing myself and not overheating like my nephew always does. He’s too perfectionistic and the fire consumes his energy. The Natives say, “it cooks his brains and burns his skin”. Of my brother, “he never finished his training, just took off with the fireplace and does it his way.” So I didn’t burn or fry my brain, and I did it in my Buffalo Bill Cody leather coat. I took lessons from my nephew who wears thermal long johns under his jeans (the perfectionist) and my grandson (the coyote) who discovered that metal buttons and zippers on your Levi jeans might look good, but if you don’t wear underwear, your penis gets burned. Indians don’t tell you these things. They teach you the hard way. You find out for yourself while they berate you for your stupidity and wrong action; something they learned to do from their white European conquerers. This is basically wrong in itself, but if the conquerors won, their way must be better. That’s what we learn in public school, in the boarding schools and in parochial schools. One of my relatives told me last week how he wears leather as a glass blower and since it was my first time tending fire, I wore my fancy leather jacket. It was a little awkward with the fringe swinging around in the fire, but it didn’t burn and neither did I. Making medicine balls (to heal the sponsor) for the first time was challenging, but I had been on the other end of that healing way several times and knew I had to bond my intentions tightly into the medicine. I ate as much as I fed my nephew and explained to him as I fed them to him what each ball embodied for his healing. What came out of the meeting for me was an awareness of how misunderstanding and poor communication can destroy a community.

My brother and sister didn’t have any idea there was a life-long commitment in being passed the fireplace. They regarded it more like a pilot’s license to fly a peyote spacecraft. Once they got the hang of it, they were on their own. It should have been clearly spelled out. But they aren’t natives and don’t “speak Indian”. The culture is quiet because so much is assumed and understood. When I asked my brother to run a meeting for me ten years ago, just after he and my sister were passed their fireplace, he said yes. Then he talked to the elder and called me back. He had accepted tobacco to run his nephew’s meeting and the elder told him that running my meeting would “cross the tobacco”; that was forbidden. I would have to ask my sister to run the meeting and my brother could take care of fire for me. I was brand new at the time and didn’t have a clue about protocol. I didn’t want that old man who hated me to be involved in my healing process, I felt it would be counterproductive and told my sister that. She assured me that she had “her own crew” and it would be the way I wanted it. Nothing was further from the truth. The day of the meeting the elder showed up and threatened to take the fireplace away from her, if she didn’t have him sit cedar. The Cedar Man makes medicine balls for the sponsor and that is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. My brother and sister witnessed all of this from the fireman’s side of the fireplace. But they didn’t get it. You don’t mess with tradition unless you are prepared to be shunned.

When they abandoned the elder a few years later and went their own way, I went with them. I had bonded to them. I tried to translate the elder’s speech, as had my sister, but my proud Hispanic machobro slowly withdrew. He wouldn’t speak to the old man on the phone. He couldn’t understand his English. But he wouldn’t say so either. He would have to be humble and admit he needed an interpreter. So the misunderstanding and hurt feelings grew greater and greater until a split in the family occurred. My other sister had learned her lesson. She had the elder sitting cedar in the meeting this past weekend. That has been happening for ten years. It looks co-dependent from an addictions model. But it is traditional until he dies for him to be honored in this way. My brother and sister are Europeans in culture and don’t honor anybody but themselves. They say they do. They claim to love unconditionally. But when they ran my last meeting in 2006 things began to change.

The first was the morphing fireplace. I looked at the part of the altar which normally looks like an equilateral triangle. It had been changed into a heart shape. I asked my sister why. She said, “It just came to me when I was making the moon. You have such a big heart, Mikey” That was good. So then I asked her if I could put a bouquet of flowers on the sponsor pole. “Anything you want brother.” So I did. I also explained my previous week’s experience with the South American Medicine Ceremony and the miraculous healing of my lower back which I had been suffering for forty years. Creator works in strange ways. By morning my brother, the Roadman, verbally attacked my son, who told the congregation that “Creator is Unconditional Love, that’s all we need to be, is loving”. When I entered the Tipi from outside, the argument was happening in the circle with the heart being central to the altar. How could that happen? And to add to the surprising events, my sister forgot about how that heart became part of the fireplace, she took credit for the inspiration. It was her idea (of course) to put it in there, but she never again told about the meeting when it first occurred. Within two years she and her husband weren’t speaking to me, nor with our sister or the elder who passed them the fireplace. Every time I have sat up with my sister she prays for the health of her “godfather” who passed her the fireplace. To me this feels insincere, because she makes no attempt to include the old man. He does live far away and it would be expensive to pay his way for all the meetings they run. That too would be expected. So she and my brother continue to pay lip service to the “godfather”. They did turn the heart back into a triangle. They were claiming that they hadn’t changed the fireplace when we all knew they had, so conforming to the original shape looked good. But it hasn’t healed the wounding.

What we need to do is try to get along. That means talking to one another, even if we have to use interpreters. We can’t understand what we have done wrong unless the other person talks to us. We can assume all sorts of reasons, but they are usually our own judgments projected onto the other person. So we just keep trying and waiting for the right time. Maybe we could listen better and be open. But as my South American Medicine Man said several years ago, “you can’t teach respect to adults, they either have it or you accept them as they are. It’s the only loving way to be.”

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